


Three Wishes

by sunnylil



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bipolar Disorder, Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Canon Compliant, Depression, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Past Child Abuse, fill-in, post 4x12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23516863
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunnylil/pseuds/sunnylil
Summary: post 4x12 fill-in.He never wanted any of this.Never wanted to be married to a russian whore.Never wanted to have a baby with said whore.He never wanted Ian to become sick.Never wanted to see his sister bruised by the man who claims to love her.Never wanted to feel so helpless, so trapped, so fucking useless.
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Mandy Milkovich & Mickey Milkovich
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Three Wishes

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a native speaker, please tell me if I made any mistakes.

There are times when he wants to claw his skin off, wants it all to stop. Wants out, out, out.

Times when he’s sitting on the steps to the back door, clutching a bottle of vodka, pretending it isn’t freezing.

He never wanted any of this.

Never wanted to be married to a russian whore.

Never wanted to have a baby with said whore.

He never wanted Ian to become sick.

Never wanted to see his sister bruised by the man who claims to love her.

Never wanted to feel so helpless, so trapped, so fucking useless.

They used to play a game, huddled under a blanket fort in Mandy’s room, while Terry was passed out drunk or high on the living room sofa.

They used to dream about their future, in hushed voices, careful to not awaken the monster.

Each one would have three wishes.

Mandy would wish for a flat in New York City, a career as a fashion model and enough money to eat in fancy restaurants every night.

Mickey didn’t say that he wished for Terry to get a life-sentence. He didn’t say that he wished to never go to Juvie, unlike his brothers. He didn’t say that he wished to never fall in love, because love meant weakness and falling in love with a boy equalled having a death wish.

Instead he told Mandy that he wished for a _Yamaha_ , a lifelong supply of snicker bars and a dog.

It made her laugh, because who wishes for snickers bars if they can wish for anything?

They stopped playing when he went to Juvie for the first time. He was 14.

The back door opens and Ian looks at him, arms wrapped around himself, shivering.

“I woke up and you were gone. What are you doing?”

Mickey lifts the bottle in explanation and follows Ian inside. The redhead clings to him as soon as they lie down.

“I woke up and you were gone,” he whispers, head on Mickey’s chest. Mickey runs a hand through the red strands.

What would he wish for today?

He remembers two rules Mandy was strict about: The dead remain dead and no going back in time.

What would he wish for today, he asks himself, while watching Ian fall asleep.

He’d wish that Fiona’s wrong and Ian would just be Ian again.

It’s been almost two weeks since the fight with Fiona, since he hid the knives.

The baby starts crying and he can hear Svetlana hush him, talking to him in Russian.

No going back in time.

He’d wish he wouldn’t have a daily reminder of _everything_.

He’d wish Terry would rot in the can for life.

Ian’s breath is evening out.

None of his wishes ever came true.

And for one, Mickey’s glad it didn’t.

Love means weakness. It means feeling helpless, trapped and fucking useless. He wants to beat Ian’s mind up for betraying him like that. He can’t. There’s no one he can slam his fights into because of this.

“Mick?”

Ian lifts his head. Mickey can count every freckle.

“Thought you were sleeping.”

He pulls him closer, wants to hold him, to shield him, to protect him from his own thoughts.

“Had to make sure you’re still there.”

He can’t beat the shit out of anyone for this but there’s something he can do. He’s already doing it, even though it terrifies him.

“’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a smile on Ian’s lips after the words have left Mickey’s. Mickey hasn’t seen that smile since that night at the Alibi.

It’s better than anything he could have wished for. It’s hope.


End file.
